Cookie Capers (Ep. 104): Poena Pedis

“What’s wrong with your toes, Grandpa?” Gianna inquired, pointing at my right baby toe, which was wrapped securely in a Band-Aid.

“Remember this morning? Grandpa hurt his foot,” I replied, knowing she did indeed remember, but never got an explanation to attach to it. “Grandpa kicked the door without shoes and broke his toenail.”

I hadn’t actually kicked it, but I did stub and dislocate my baby toe when it struck the door frame, resulting in a dislodged and blood-soaked toenail.

“Grandpa, don’t kick the door.”

It was that simple. Kids do that.

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I spent most of the morning sitting on the floor with my knees bent outward and the bottoms of my feet flush against each other. When I moved to the kitchen chair, my feet curled under it to minimize exposure. It had been a little while since I’d promised to take her to and through the car wash, which she’d come to love while riding in the car. She had been growing impatient and frustrated with me because she wanted candy, but I told her it would come later in the morning.

“Grandpa, I want candy.”
“I told you, sweetie, a little later.”
“Ok. I love you, grandpa.”
“Ohhh sweetie, I love you too. Come give me a hug.”

Without thinking, I moved my feet out from under the chair to increase my center of gravity before picking her up. Gianna ran up to me, stepping firmly on my toe in the process.

“OOOOOOOEERGGHHH!!” I half-yelled, trying not to wake her 6-month-old cousin Kamari, who sat in his seat, a few feet over. The pain in my toe shot up like a white-hot knife had been inserted into it, not unlike the incident over 20 years ago with her father, my firstborn son. At the same time, I looked over at Kamari, who smiled delightfully.

Then his face switched to that “Here’s my cue” look before inhaling, then letting out a strong, unannounced wail.

Unsure if I had awakened him or if he was alert the entire time, I rushed over to pick him up to calm him before he got loud enough to be overheard during my wife’s business call in the upstairs office. Hobbling and rushing him outside, I quickly grabbed the candy and handed it over to Gianna to keep her occupied on the way out, to which she yelled, “Thank you, Grandpa!”

After about two minutes, I returned and sat, still holding the baby as I nursed my toe, which I could tell had begun to bleed again.

“You got an ‘owie’, Grandpa.” She exclaimed, pointing at my foot while enjoying her early snack.
“Yes, baby,” I confirmed. “Grandpa’s got another ‘owie’.”
“Put your shoes on, Grandpa,” she answered in a problem-solving tone.

It was that simple. Kids do that.

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What Really Happened…

Rewind: 2 minutes

Telepathic Toddler Talk
Kamari (in a silent glance and fully awake): Is he keeping that candy from you?
Gianna: Yeah, and we’re supposed to go to the car wash, but that’s later.
Kamari: He’s a sucker. Throw that look at him and he’ll give you the candy now.
Gianna: That’s too easy. Besides, I need to mix it up from time to time, to keep him off his game.
Kamari: Get his feet.
Gianna: What?
Kamari: You read me right. Get his bad toe. The pain will pass.
Gianna: That won’t get me the candy.
Kamari: It will when he rushes me outside to keep me from crying.
Gianna: What about you?
Kamari: I’ve got a full belly of milk, and I can’t digest that stuff yet anyway. You do YOU. Tell him you want some candy again. When he tells you that you’ll get it later, accept it and tell him you love him. He’ll call you over for a hug, that’s when you strike.
Gianna: You aren’t old enough to know how much that will hurt.
Kamari: Neither are you, but he’s stupid enough to not wear shoes to protect himself. He brought it on himself. You can remind him later.  In the meantime, remember that I did you this favor. Poena Pedis.
Gianna: Poena Pedis.

It was that simple. Kids do that…

And by the way, Poena Pedis. Latin for Foot Punishment. They speak Latin too.

This has been another Cookie Caper, straight from the Kiddie Corleones…

…never tell them “No”.

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