Crazy Confessions: 25 Bizarre Facts About Me

Despite what people have witnessed or heard about me over the years; despite all of my online antics (and police records), they still have absolutely NO clue as to who I really am and what I’m capable of.  So here are 25 little known or unbelievable facts that you won’t soon forget once you read them.  Rated PG-13

1. I’ve never been fishing. People have promised to take me on many occasions over the years, but something ALWAYS came up.
2. I’ve played almost every wind instrument there is at some point, since elementary school: All brass winds except trombone. All woodwinds except oboe and bassoon. Even the slide flute, kazoo (if you count that) recorder and diatonic & chromatic harmonicas.
3. I once ate 10 McDonald’s cheeseburgers straight for $50. They didn’t stay down long though.
4. I have an incredible fear of heights.
5. I grew up wanting to be a stuntman. Of course, #4 cancelled THAT out.
6. I was paddled (disciplined) at least once, EVERY year from kindergarten through senior year of high school. They don’t paddle you in college, but the Calculus II professor did kick me out of class one day in a fit of rage.
7. I have only drank on 4 occasions and been drunk twice (both times in college during the summer of 1989).  I’ve never tried a cigarette/cigar/pipe and have never tried drugs of any kind.  Not even marijuana.
8. As a kid, I thought “The Exorcist” was funny.
9. As much as I love Twinkies, they are NOT the way to my heart. My soul can only be purchased with warm peanut butter cookies.
10. I don’t know the words to most popular songs, but I can pick out all of the sung harmonies and most all of the musical parts/arrangements within.
11. I have never had a single argument with my mother. Not once in my life (even when I knew she was wrong – LOL).
12. I love making love in the rain, even the snow.
13. I am a member of the “Mile-High” club.
14. I can remember all of my high school best friends’ addresses and phone numbers (30+ years later). But I currently need an electronic calendar reminder for two of my four sons’ birthdays.
15. I’ve seen “The Godfather” over 20 times.
16. I hate shellfish (shrimp, lobster, crab). It’s the texture of shellfish.
17. I’ve always preferred an intelligent &/or romantic conversation to a sexy body.
18. I once gave multiple 2-hour training sessions, around the clock, for 34 hours straight.
19. I studied Mathematical Sciences and Psychology in college in hopes of becoming an elementary school teacher by day and assistant to the band director after school (I ended up becoming and Environmental, Safety & Health Director for 20+ years).
20. I’ve had to collect body parts after an accident; even remove a glass eye from an employee and probe his eye socket for steel fragments. But if the tiniest mouse were to come in the room, I’m on the table, pulling my skirt up and hittin’ the high notes! (I’m a guy)
21. I love musicals. I always wanted to play the role of Fagin in a remake of “Oliver (Twist)”.
22. I was attracted to girls as early as kindergarten, while the other boys were playing with their Legos and miniature toy soldiers.  I wrote my first poem to/for a girl in 3rd grade.
23. Although I loathe (small) cats, my favorite animal has always been the black panther.
24. Growing up, I preferred older women. At age 15, I was “seeing” (Rated PG 13, remember?) a 44-year-old woman. She was a customer on my paper route.
25. I’m writing 3 different books at the same time. Unfortunately, I’ve put them all on the back burner for various reasons, including work, photography, songwriting and recent health problems. I’ve since decided to focus on one book and restructure it as a screenplay. It’s a romantic comedy, spanning 30+ years.

Some Honorable Mentions:

• I think The Three Stooges were comic geniuses.
• I rarely get more than 4 hours of sleep each night.  Some nights, zero sleep.
• My favorite holiday is April Fool’s Day. Steer clear of me that day.
• I’m an old school romantic: Picnic basket, moonlight serenade by sax, poetry…
• Although I’m often the “life of the party”, I’m quick to sneak away to be by myself.
• It breaks my heart to see lonely people and people, alone (one doesn’t necessarily dictate the other).  I often go to the hospital to visit people that I’ve never met, just to keep them company.

…and there you have it.  But please, don’t go embarrassing yourself, saying you know me better than the rest.  I will always do something that will make you say, “What the (censored)?”

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