Message From Us Grown Folk: The Neighbor Network

…and now, another Message From Us “Grown Folk”!

Young’uns, when WE were young, we lived in fear of something we called “The Neighbor Network”.

One call from Mrs. Jackson, 6 blocks away, and our parents knew what we did.  Therefore, what I thought was a safe and covert return home often resulted in a “greetin’ with a beatin'”!  I swear, I think my father’s leather belt spent more time wrapped around my waist than his own.

Today we have, you guessed it, social media!

Thanks to modern technology, we – know – your – every – move. Everywhere you go. Everything you do. Everyone you’re with. Satellite surveillance? Kinda sorta. Not so much us tracking you. More like you, tracking yourself and sharing it with and to the multiverse. You might as well be calling home and giving us your agenda, along with any last-minute changes.

Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Tumbler…   Pick your poison. You and your friends voluntarily post pics and vids that contradict just about any story or excuse you comfortably lay at our feet. The Find My iPhone app gives us up-to-the minute accuracy of your whereabouts. Don’t believe me? Just ask all of the recently divorced husbands. Hell, you can ask ME.  Steak & Shake, Wendy’s and Popeye’s have made for some interesting discussions in response to my “I had to run back to the office” claims (or should I say, lies).

That being said, if we have to suffer the consequences of modern day Super Spydom, why the hell shouldn’t you?

Now, you can block and “unfriend” us if you like, but trust me, that won’t work.  First of all, if you’re under 18, you may not have that liberty, if your folks are anything like me.  But let’s say you have total control over who you keep in your cyber-circle.  I guarantee you that one of your idiot friends is still connected to their mother (involuntary) and that’s alllll we need.  Because every woman in the neighborhood is a Mrs. Jackson. Yes, we ALL have united against you.

And you will NEVER win…

(Sean Connery voice) Here endeth the lesson.