It’s April Fool’s Month!!!
Well, April Fool’s DAY for those of you who can’t hack it. Me? I’m one of the bad guys. One of the people you avoid. The pranksters. The first people on your mind when you’re the victim of an anonymous practical joke.
You know what? I am damn good at what I do when it comes to hilarious hijinks. And I’m proud OF it. I take pride in my work because I work hard AT it. I’m not talking about the whoopee cushion, fly in the ice cube or fake poop. I’m talking about the nefarious schemes that sometimes take months to prepare. I’m talking phony arrests (with actual policemen as my accomplices), adjusted production plans/schedules and stolen caskets. God, how I miss the high school and college days.
I believe that the art of subterfuge is a craft; one that should not be taken lightly. When crafting my ruse, I invest a considerable amount of time researching, recruiting, planning and of course, executing. For many plans, I have alternate plans. For alternate plans, I have even more backup plans. I create alibis. Sometimes, I use doubles. And if it’s really going to be fun, I bring in their own family members, co-workers and friends.
Like the time I warned a friend in Denver (I was in Maryland at the time) that distance could and would not save him; that I had a very long reach. Although he felt that proximity would be a factor, he called off work and stayed home that day. He told his wife not to accept phone calls or packages and, if she did, not to bring them down to him as he spent the day watching television in his mancave.
He had no idea that I had already convinced his boss to help pull off the prank AND brought his wife in as a backup, in case he decided to spend the day at home, which he did. One man, two jokes. It’s just too bad that he didn’t go to work after we went through so much trouble to devise the shipping mix-up caper.
I wish I could have seen him in the days leading up to April Fool’s Day, trying to figure out how sticky notes with messages such as, “The day is coming!”, “Kenny is near…” and “You cannot escape!” popped up everywhere from his car to his mailbox to his computer monitor at work.
The day of, after making a snack, his wife cuddled up next to him in the basement as they watched movies. She waited faithfully and patiently until he stood up from the loveseat and slipped off for a bathroom break, giving her just enough time to put the microcassette player under the recliner and a furry object behind it. After activating it, the cassette played silently for about 20 minutes before the “scratching” sound began (it was actually made with a nail and wood). Being the scary guy he was, it took him some time to conjure the nerve to grab a broom and carefully approach the area to investigate as she stood by the stairs, seemingly afraid.
All it took was one look at the fake fox tail sticking out in the back of the recliner.
If she hadn’t forgotten to turn on the covertly positioned camcorder, I would have had proof that he screamed like a girl before running off. He also denied that he had more urine in him than he left in the bathroom, prior to the scare.
Of course, I punished my lovely accomplice the following year by teaching hubby the old Head-In-The-Jar trick to get his revenge.
Yes, I’ve been known to betray my own henchmen (and women) on occasion.
I’m evil – I know.
She called him at work after discovering it in the refrigerator. I can’t repeat what she said on the phone or what he was deprived of for some time after.
Still, when I share my stories, it seems that people are only interested in the escapades that went horribly wrong. Yes, there is always that x-factor, hence my Good Pranks Gone Wrong series. I suppose that in addition to my marks, you all are happy to know that I eventually get my comeuppance from time to time.
And oh, by the way, if you’ve been reading those over the years, I’m sure you might have questioned one of them by now.
That’s right. One of them was totally false.
But before I reveal the imposter, let’s recap the ones I’ve already shared:
Good Pranks Gone Wrong (Ep. 1): The Abduction
It was intended to be a simple kidnapping, but one set of eyes too many caused things to go left. Way left.
Good Pranks Gone Wrong (Ep. 2): A Night At The Movies
A violent outbreak is undone by ill-timing.
Good Pranks Gone Wrong (Ep. 3): Chillin’ In The Corn
Sometimes you’re not ready to separate the man from the mouse.
Good Pranks Gone Wrong (Ep. 4): Leavin’, Deceivin’ And Believin’
Every now and then, even the truth brings trouble.
Good Pranks Gone Wrong (Ep. 5): The Disappearing Man
PG13 means you’re gonna need your parents. Period.
Now if you haven’t had an opportunity to read them, you can click on any or all of the links to enjoy some of my past shenanigans and understand how they went awry.
I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait…
*Jeopardy theme plays – over and over and over…*
Ok, assuming you’ve been through them or haven’t and just want to jump to the answer, the joke within the jokes is…
…drum roll please…
Good Pranks Gone Wrong (Ep. 3): Chillin’ In The Corn
That story was totally false.
Although in real life, a young lady and I did actually get run off of a farm by the owner who was indeed carrying a shotgun when he caught my date and I out there, um, talking.
Now THAT story was and is a bit too risqué to put in a blog (we’re all grown, but it ain’t that kinda party). Hey, a cornfield was one my “places to visit” list. Anyway, I figured the whole affair was a good base for an alternate April Fool’s tale. So once again, the modified story was a practical joke in and of itself.
So now that we know that I’m capable of throwing something bizarre into an already maniacal mix of miscellaneous mishaps, let’s get this month started with an absolute assurance:
Every “Good Pranks Gone Wrong” tale that I share with you this April Fool’s Month will be entirely true. Honest. You can give me the side-eye if you want, you’re just going to have to accept and trust me at my word.
Because I’ve played a lot of practical jokes over the years.
And as good as I claim to be, things can and have, gone horribly wrong from time to time.
That being said, Happy April Fool’s Day. And to those of you who’ve told me I could never get you, please know you’re not the first to say it and you won’t be the last…
I can get you out there….
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Kenny's Camera, Cooking & Crazy Confessions! 
I’m studying your moves. Glad you never got me. Lol
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Never say never. I still have time… lol
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