Annnnd ACTION… …CUT! (Part 1 of 2): Blurring The Borders Of Reality

Please note that I wrote this article two weeks ago. Being a two-part post, I decided to wait because I didn’t want an overlap with any other post, nor did I want to bunch it in between two others.

That being said, let’s begin…

I’m literally mere seconds beyond drinking a tall glass of ice water and slowly breathing in and out. Yeah, I’m pissed. Why? Why ask why? You know I’m gonna explain…

About 10 minutes ago I shared the following post on social media.

And now I ask the obligatory and expected question:

What the hell is wrong with you people?

How do people become so engrossed, obsessed and absorbed with television and movie characters that they lose or blatantly fail to acknowledge the solid line between fantasy and reality?

Warning: Here be (harmless) spoilers-

For anyone late to the party, the character John Walker (played by Wyatt Russell) has taken up the role of “Captain America” (along with his shield) in the smoldering ashes of Steve Rogers leaving his position. Rogers opted to literally return to the past and live the life (with Agent Peggy Carter) that was robbed of him when his act of heroism (in 1945) resulted in his crashing into the ocean and him being frozen, yet preserved, in ice for 70 years. As a result, he returned to our current time and reality, an aged man, no longer able or willing to serve as the beloved symbol of bravery and honor that he created.

Enter the not-so-likeable Walker, whose personality (and appearance, if you poll the ladies) fall dramatically short of Rogers (played by Chris Evans, with that chiseled, rugged visage of his – sorry, I’m literally laughing as I type this).

Being only two episodes in, it’s unofficially understood that the new Cap won’t be in that position for long, but apparently it doesn’t matter. The people have already spoken, correction screamed, “Give us the thief Barabbas! Toss that dude, Jesus Christ on the cross! Crucify Him! Kill Him! Fire Him! Cancel the show!!”

Wow, I have never seen such blatant fury directed at someone who is NOT supposed to be the original character. I mean, it ain’t like Aunt Viv on “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”, Tom Hagan from “Godfather 1 & 2” to “Godfather 3” or Evelyn from “The Mummy 1 & 2” to the 3rd one.

I personally think that he was expertly cast. Russell is a great actor (he nailed it in the Season 3 Episode 2 episode “Playtest” in the show “Black Mirror”) and does a fine job as the replacement.

But it goes beyond that. There are people that really want to cause this man (the actor) harm just for wearing the suit!

News Flash, you mudflaps! This. Is. Fiction!!

I hate to talk to folks like they’re children, but here we go…

When the casting director puts the word out, the production company screens hundreds of THOUSANDS of hyooooman beeeeings aka REAL PEOPLE until they find the one they like. Then they give him/her a script. The actor exercises, trains and learns the lines before putting on costumes provided by the studio and reports for filming. Oftentimes they’re instructed to gain or lose a significant amount of weight for the role. Then, for an unspecified amount of time, this person waits for the director to yell “Action” and then acts out what they’ve rehearsed until the word “Cut!” is screamed at the end of the day and they go back to their hotel room and ultimately home.

Repeat cycle until clothes are clean. Yes, filming takes days, weeks, months, even years.

I think what’s indescribably pathetic is that I just wasted your time AND mine, typing what everybody already knows.

Look, I realize that Hollywood is so creative and technologically advanced that it can magically conjure a world that looks unbelievably real. In 80 years, we’ve gone from claymation apes on a model version of the Empire State building to a creature whose individual body hairs move independently with the summer breeze. Dude, it’s cool as hell now! Billions of dollars have been saved through computer-generated imagery (CGI), when once upon a time, boats, planes and helicopters spent months finding exotic locations at which to shoot. Just imagine the time and money invested in flying a crew to shoot the desert planet Tatooine (Star Wars: A New Hope) in Tunisia or the ice planet Hoth (Empire Strikes Back) in Norway, among other locations.

And who can forget that moment in “Predators” when the prey discovered they where on another planet? I remember being genuinely uncomfortable with how real that looked on the big screen.

Best of all, characters are relatable, believable and they last for multiple episodes and movies. So yeah, it’s easy for us to associate Hollywood performers with their respective characters and actions. And yeah, I know how you feel when a character gets killed off or a group breaks up or when when a planet explodes, killing everyone on it.

But at the end of the day…

• There is no Wakanda, but there is a Uganda (read my blog about that: Africa Is More Than Just Hollywood’s “Black Panther”).
• There is no planet Pandora with tall blue people, but there is a Planet Fitness with sexy, TONED people.
• Half of the universe has not mysteriously disappeared with the snap of a finger, but while you’re “socially distancing” and “sheltering in place”, you don’t have to deal with or see 99.99% of them.

So remember, when the director yells, “Cut”, so do the actors.
Leave them alone and get a flippin’ life.

…and while you’re at it, leave Wyatt alone. That’s Kurt Russell’s son and he’s cool as hell. And dude ain’t THAT bad lookin’.

To be concluded in “Part 2: 10 Movie/Television Roles That I Had To Forgive!”
(Coming soon to a theater blog near you.)

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